


Since Before the Fall of Erebor

by Luckyhai5



Series: Conkersverse: Secrets of the Shire [4]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Stone Giants, Thorin POV, i dont even know at this point, secrets of the shire, seriously i am fucked for my exams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-01-03
Packaged: 2018-01-07 07:51:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1117373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luckyhai5/pseuds/Luckyhai5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Conkersverse. Crack.<br/>Stone giants, Thorin is thinking, Bilbo is sad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Since Before the Fall of Erebor

**Author's Note:**

> Good day and welcome to another episode in the, frankly, alarming series which I am wasting my life writing.  
> Please stay for tea if you have time.
> 
> Also, I would welcome any suggestions for future installments... settings, contexts, that kind of thing? Otherwise I'll be going more or less chronologically, with some conkers and other random weirdness thrown in.

"This is no thunderstorm!" Balin is shouting, "It's a thunder battle!"

Why, thank you, Balin, that was just what I needed to hear.

Storm giants.

This is perfect.

I attempt to lead the Company along the mountains in an appropriately majestic fashion.

I do lots of growling and roaring and am very commanding. 

My socks are wet.

Damn rain is making the rocks all slippery, and my hair is already a matted, wild mess.

Hobbit is looking like a mess also.

A hot mess.

Could just eat him up.

Anyway, thunder, lightning, rain, giant rock creatures battling... Now is not the time.

"Well bless me," Bofur yells, "The legends are true! Giants! Stone giants!"

In the distance, one stands up, brandishing a massive rock.

Well, isn't this all very theatrical?

Oh, there goes the rock, hurled towards us, oddly reminding me of one of Bilbo's conkers.

"Take cover you fools!" I roar, tiring of the idiocy of the lunatics I choose to surround myself with.

For Mahal's sake.

They all scream unhelpfully and press themselves against the cliff, as though that is in any way helpful.

Lots of rocks are falling, the sky is dark and this whole day is just not going to plan.

Not at  _all._

The rocks begin to move apart; I watch in horror as Fili and Kili are separated, Bofur, Fili, Bilbo, Dwalin, Ori and Bombur.

Well fuck. We all seem to be standing on the knees of a stone giant, and the other is intent on beating the shit out of it.

Its knee connects with a stationary-looking surface, and we scramble off.

The others are still on the other knee.

Oh, dear.

We hurl ourselves about to dodge falling boulders, as another giant trucks up, evidently keen to join the party.

Those of us with a slimly better chance of survival watch as the others stumble about on the giant's knee.

This day is not going to plan. Did I mention that?

Such a shame, you find yourself an adorable, if insane, hobbit, and before you know it, he's been crushed by a stone giant.

Also, Fili is the heir of Durin, so his death would cause me a lot of paperwork, as well as a shitstorm from his mother, my dear sister.

If I want to keep my head, he'd better find a way to get down from there alive and in as few pieces as possible.

Doesn't seem likely.

Stone giant is now falling over.

Begin to feel twinge of sadness.

That  _is_ new.

We see them smack right into a rock.

Ah.

How unfortunate.

Feel sudden surge of anger.

"NO!" I bellow, surprised by my own depth of feeling. Hobbits really are incredible creatures.

Plus, nephew has just died. Kinda my fault. That's quite sad.

Giant falls away, and I rush over.

Not sure why, don't particularly want to see the remains of the dwarves and hobbit smushed on the rocks.

Relieved to see them all picking themselves up. Mahal knows how they survived.

Sense of relief is great.

"Where's Bilbo?!" Bofur cries.

Oh,  _for fuck's sake._

First off, Bilbo is my hobbit, so I'll do the worrying, thank you very much.

Secondly,  _where the fuck is Bilbo?!_

Dangling from the cliffs as it happens.

He is looking rather petrified. His incompetence is so sweet.

They all reach over the cliff face in ridiculous attempts to save him.

Aha, now it is time for me to rescue him in a kingly and awe-inspiring manner.

Looking suitably casual and magnificent, I hop down and hoist him up.

Embarrassingly, I slip.

Damn rain.

Dwalin pulls me up; he sounds like he's giving birth.

Honestly, I'm not  _that_ heavy.

Bilbo is sitting on the opposite side of the ledge now, looking very cold and shaken.

Would like to warm him up.

Dwalin says something, I give automatic, kingly reply; hobbit looks upset.

Shit, what did I say?

Mahal help me, he takes everything to heart.

I call Dwalin inside a cave; not the greatest of places but dry. Would like awfully to bundle up the hobbit for the purposes of warmth retention.

Never mind.

\---

Am lying in the dark, not sleeping, when I hear the hobbit get up.

Am about to ask why, when Bofur speaks.

"Where do you think you're going?" He asks.

Can hear the hobbit sigh.

His answer riles me. "Back to Rivendell."

Why is he returning to the tree-shaggers??

And why, oh why, did he not tell me about this?

"You can't turn back now! You're part of the Company! You're one of us." Bofur whispers, shocked.

I, too, am a little stunned.

I didn't even get to test out my hugging theories.

"I'm not, though, am I?" The hobbit replies sadly.

"Thorin doesn't want me here." He says. 

Where in the name of Mahal did he get that impression?

_Give me strength._

"I'm not a Took, I'm a Baggins. I don't know what I was thinking. Should never have run out my door."

Why is he spouting all this nonsense about taking bagginses?

Feeling a bit bad now. But I have been  _trying_ to be nice to the hobbit.

In fact, as far as I'm aware, I've been  _flirting_ with our delectable Master Baggins. How on Arda he mistook that for indifference or dislike reflects either that he is incredibly unobservant, or I am terrible at flirting. Obviously, it is the former. It must be. It hasn't been  _that_ long.

Come to think of it, it has been a while... Since before the fall of Erebor...

When Fili was not yet even a dwarling... (And it feels like an eternity since that terror was born, not to mention his brother.)

Oh,  _Mahal_ , maybe my skills are a little lapsed?

Then he starts mouthing off about how dwarves don't have a home anyway, so how could we possibly understand.

Harsh, but fair.

Think he's upset Bofur a wee bit.

Good.

Those two were getting far too close anyway.

They're both wrong, also. Dwarves do belong somewhere.

In Erebor.

As will Bilbo Baggins, if I have anything to do with it (and I will).

Cue heartfelt goodbye, and I am just about to get to my feet when mood changes swiftly.

"What's that?" Asks Bofur.

Then the floor caves in and we tumble down.

Can I not just get a decent night's sleep, for once in my life?


End file.
